What am I up to?

As you know by now my practicum has now begun. I have been at my site a few weeks now (both of them!) and just yesterday I got to become involved in what I really want to be involved in: addiction treatment. Some time in the near future I will be leading a teen recovery group and will begin working one-one with other addicted people who are both beginning rehab and who are already well into their recovery. I am excited. Super duper mega excited but nervous at the same time. I am grateful that my practicum site apparently sees in me what I believe in myself and is giving me this amazing opportunity to grow further in my work with addicted clients and the opportunity to learn from those at my site who have years of experience on me.

My courses have officially begun as well and so far they are looking pretty good! This semester I am taking a Cognitive behavior therapy course, group counseling and my practicum of course. It was nice to log into my courses and see familiar "faces". Part of our practicum is using a live interactive web based program and interacting with each other on a weekly basis at a set time to discuss our practicum experience and learn from each other in different areas.

So far so good and I can't wait to get in there and get busy!

Choice In Addiction

The other day I was taking part of a chemical dependency group at my practicum/internship site. The facilitator decided to show a video of what addiction does to your body and your brain for the 5 group goers. In this video it showed how addiction works in the brain and also talked about what it can do to your body mainly major organs etc. As I sat watching this video they talked about the disease model and it stated "it is not a choice". I immediately wrote down in my journal (which I have started for my practicum/internship).....Is there no choice in addiction? What are the consequences of believing that way?

Now I have talked many times before about how once someone is addicted there comes a point in time where I believe the addiction chooses for them. They continue using because biologically they must in order to avoid the nasty withdrawal that most addicts fear and sometimes they continue to use to avoid actually dealing with whatever they are self medicating be it emotions, thoughts, whatever. But does that mean that addiction and recovering from addiction has no choice whatsoever in it? I am honestly not so sure. If you take away the ability to choose do you take away the ability of the person? Maybe it is safer to say that you have no choice in addiction but you have the power of choice in recovery? That is how I am leaning.


                                                      

To me it looks like this...when you are addicted the drug of choice makes the choice for you however once you have detoxed you then have the power of choice back and you are responsible for your own recovery. Only you can change you. Of course you need support along the way but ultimately your recovery is yours and it becomes your choice how you live out your recovery. I believe that recovering addicts have to take back the choice and control over themselves in order to be successful in their recovery. So yes in some ways you have choice in addiction because you have choice over your recovery which is part of your addiction.

Infant loss and grief work

I honestly can't remember if I have shared this part of my personal life on this blog yet. If I have forgive me and if I haven't well keep reading! I met with a few girls who will be interns with me at the counseling agency for lunch today and tried to chat about our interest. While it didn't get far there I have been thinking about it all afternoon. Oh and forgive my lack of images for this post as none seem appropriate.

 I have a variety of interest but I do believe my main pull is to substance abuse although I am also drawn to working with soldiers who have PTSD issues, couples (not families), and I am considering infant grief work. This is where the personal part comes in.

In 2005 my husband and I lost a son at 23 weeks gestation due to pre-term labor. He lived a brief time after he was born but died I believe mostly because of the location we where in not being properly equipped to handle a 23 week infant.  I have spent the last 7 years working through the grief of loosing Zachariah (named after the book Z is for Zachariah) and I have always wondered if as a counselor I could offer something to parents who have been or are on the same path as I.

It was and is one of the hardest things I have had to deal with in my life. I say is because there are times it hits me harder than others. I have accepted that I can't change the past and wondering the whys and hows does me no good as it takes me a place that I don't need to be. I have accepted his death in the only way I can that still allows me to live my life. The only way that allows me to move forward while still knowing something is missing in my life.

Losing a child is one of the hardest things any family may have to face. You have to give up on the hopes and dreams you had for them, on wondering what they would look like now, what kind of person they would be, who would their friends be, if they would get along with their siblings...would you even have siblings if they had been alive. You see where I am going with this? Losing a child leaves so many things unanswered....so many it can be unbearable.

So as a parent who has been there and a future counselor I wonder if I can give back and offer a glimmer of hope in the dark. But I also wonder if because of my past experience I would be to close? I really can't decide.

Oh and for anyone who is reading this post who has recently experienced an infant loss in your family here is some things to NOT SAY to the parents:

• Don't say it was God's will or say the baby is better off because they are with God unless the person you are speaking with is extremely religious. Most of us myself included are not comforted by that...at least not while the pain is so raw.
• Don't try to act like it didn't happen or that the baby was not well a baby. No matter what stage of the pregnancy to those parents that was their child. 
• Don't try to avoid talking about how hurt the parents are because when you do you make the parents feel like they need to be strong to save your feelings and in that moment they should feel free to turn to you with theirs. 
• Don't avoid talking about the baby. This might be different for some but I wanted to talk about Zach. I wanted him to be acknowledged as to me it helped me see that he was gone and to begin the process of healing.
• Don't offer to remove the babies thing from the house or to take down the nursery they had set up for the baby. When the time is right for the parents that will happen and removing traces of the baby doesn't do anyone any good and for the most part makes the parents feel as you want to pretend their child never existed. 
• Lastly, don't change the subject. If the parent starts to talk to you about losing their child don't try to get them to talk about something else. If they choose you to talk about it with it means that they feel like they can trust you with their true emotions and that they feel like you are there for them. If you don't know what to say just say this: I will sit here as long as you need me to listen but because I lack experience I will not know what to say. But my ears and heart will be open. 

If you are a parent who has recently lost a child:

• Speak up about what you need. Everyone around you really needs direction as most people do not know how to handle these emotions and feelings. Don't be afraid to ask for what you need. 
• Seek out a grief counselor
• Seek out a grief support group (we did this and it was really good for us)
•  Turn to and not away from your partner. Remember they are the only other person in your life right now who truly will experience the loss most similar to the way you will. At times it will seem like they don't get it but trust me they do. 

If anyone reading this post wants to contact me leave me a message. I would be glad to speak with anyone. 

Not one but two.....and the dance of therapy

So after moving here in May and spending months searching for an internship only to land one then decide it wasn't going to offer everything I needed or wanted and then start searching for another only to land that one is awesome! Yes you are reading that right I have not one but two internship sites now! I start the 2nd site next week by becoming involved in a process therapy group. Excited. Nervous. Stoked. Unsure.

You see while you are in school and before you starting doing your "real" experience courses unless you have been previously involved in therapy in some way it sounds magical. Magical in the sense that what you read or hear from others sounds like a magical process in which two people dance together so seamlessly you can hardly tell there are two dancing. Therapy is a dance. But I don't believe it is seamless at least not in the beginning.  It takes time to learn each others moves and begin to step together at the right time.

So I am nervous but excited to begin this journey. I am ready. I am ready. I am ready (maybe if I repeat enough it will do something to the nerves?).

Love 'em enough to let them have their pain

I was completing a discussion post within my group for my multicultural course and another student (Larry!) made this statement which got me thinking. As counselors is there a time where we have to love our clients enough to let them have their pain? As a future counselor I want to take away pain or at least that is what I thought I should do but this statement...loving them enough to let them have their pain really made me take a step back and understand just how important it really is. Sometimes we need to sit with the pain, to really feel it if we are to make an effort to create change. Without the pain we might not ever step in the direction of the goals we have created for ourselves.So counselors and future counselors....sometimes you have to do as Larry says and love 'em enough to let them have their pain.

Grad school burnout.....

 


Yep I have it. I have realized why many people do not choose  to seek a graduate degree. I am 3 semesters into my program with 4 to go and I am burned out. I am not sure what is causing the burnout. Is it just school? Boredom with my classes? Lack of learning? Family issues? Life issues? What is the cause and what am I going to do about it. Taking a break in my program is not an option nor is quitting. So what do I do?

Well today I decided to just be and read some funny therapy comics to which I am going to share with you of course!

Enjoy :)
Source 1, 2, 3,4, 5

YES YES YES!!!!!!

After months of searching MONTHS I tell you today I got an internship offer. I have been looking since May. Yes May. I have called at least over 50 sites. Some where not taking interns at all, some were not taking interns till next fall ( my practicum starts in January), some just were not interested in me. But you know what I learned today? It was ALL for GOOD REASON. Because today I landed hopefully what will turn out to be my dream internship.

If you have been following this blog you are well aware that I have interest in addiction, sex offender treatment, and prisoner counseling. This internship will allow me to be involved on some level with all of the above hence my excitement at landing what to me is the perfect internship. I am looking forward to beginning my work with this agency!

Hopefully in the coming months I will have more to talk about :)