This post is going to be a bit personal (sorry husband!)
Choices….you know deciding on what/how/when/why you are going to do something. We all make choices everyday many of them mostly by reflex or habit and mostly without giving them much thought. Then we make choices and decisions of things that we have mulled over for days, months, sometimes years. Often choices or lack thereof are what brings people to counselors for help. Counselors see people everyday who have made choices/not made choices and are suffering the consequences of those choices. Us therapists are no exception….we make choices and suffer the consequences just as I am doing now.
I made the decision to separate our family by 2400 miles, my husband stayed in Washington for work reasons and Greyson and I have moved to Kentucky to be closer to my family. I made these choices for a variety of reasons mainly not wanting to move (for a bit at least), giving Greyson a more stable environment, for my counseling program/internships, and because I thought I would be happier. Well guess what….I am happier but also sadder.
I am happier because I feel that I am going to accomplish all the reasons above, happier because I am closer to family and seeing Greyson interact with them is great. He has been soaking up all the attention and really enjoying playing with them. There are quite a few of them to play with and since we have been here he hasn’t gone to bed on time once (hoping to change that tomorrow)! The newness of us arriving back in town after me being gone for almost 11 years has yet to wear off and I seem to have a constant flux of company showing up all throughout the day. Don’t get me wrong I am enjoying the company but as I sit here alone this evening I realize I have been putting my relationship with my husband on the back burner the last few days.
This brings me to sadder…..I am sadder because I miss my husband terribly. We have spent the equivalent of 12-13 days total apart for almost 11 years now (before my move) and I feel somewhat lost without him. It also reminds me of how easily we take each other for granted and forget that tomorrow is never promised. It also reminds me of all the things my husband does as each day I am faced with something new that I have to do because it was a job my husband does and I must say it stinks because each task reminds me he is in Washington.
This brings me back to choices….the ones you make that you kind of sort of almost wish you could change and choose differently. I am presently teetering on the edge…half thinking I made the right choice half wishing I could change it and I wonder how many clients in the future I will see that are right where I am right now? It also reminds me that I really need to find a therapist………I need to talk this out just as I suppose my clients will need to do with me. Only time will tell how my choices are going to play out and I suspect if you’re curious you will keep reading my blog J