My Choices.....

This post is going to be a bit personal (sorry husband!)

Choices….you know deciding on what/how/when/why you are going to do something. We all make choices everyday many of them mostly by reflex or habit and mostly without giving them much thought. Then we make choices and decisions of things that we have mulled over for days, months, sometimes years. Often choices or lack thereof are what brings people to counselors for help. Counselors see people everyday who have made choices/not made choices and are suffering the consequences of those choices. Us therapists are no exception….we make choices and suffer the consequences just as I am doing now.

I made the decision to separate our family by 2400 miles, my husband stayed in Washington for work reasons and Greyson and I have moved to Kentucky to be closer to my family. I made these choices for a variety of reasons mainly not wanting to move (for a bit at least), giving Greyson a more stable environment, for my counseling program/internships, and because I thought I would be happier. Well guess what….I am happier but also sadder.

I am happier because I feel that I am going to accomplish all the reasons above, happier because I am closer to family and seeing Greyson interact with them is great. He has been soaking up all the attention and really enjoying playing with them. There are quite a few of them to play with and since we have been here he hasn’t gone to bed on time once (hoping to change that tomorrow)! The newness of us arriving back in town after me being gone for almost 11 years has yet to wear off and I seem to have a constant flux of company showing up all throughout the day. Don’t get me wrong I am enjoying the company but as I sit here alone this evening I realize I have been putting my relationship with my husband on the back burner the last few days.

This brings me to sadder…..I am sadder because I miss my husband terribly. We have spent the equivalent of 12-13 days total apart for almost 11 years now (before my move) and I feel somewhat lost without him. It also reminds me of how easily we take each other for granted and forget that tomorrow is never promised. It also reminds me of all the things my husband does as each day I am faced with something new that I have to do because it was a job my husband does and I must say it stinks because each task reminds me he is in Washington.

This brings me back to choices….the ones you make that you kind of sort of almost wish you could change and choose differently. I am presently teetering on the edge…half thinking I made the right choice half wishing I could change it and I wonder how many clients in the future I will see that are right where I am right now? It also reminds me that I really need to find a therapist………I need to talk this out just as I suppose my clients will need to do with me. Only time will tell how my choices are going to play out and I suspect if you’re curious you will keep reading my blog J

Traveling with a 4.5 year old

Thought I would give everyone a quick traveling update. We headed out on Saturday morning for our 2440 miles journey to our new home in Kentucky. As of today we have traveled 1687 of those miles with about 750 left to drive. Tomorrow we are making a pit stop and spending the evening with some of our old friends in Missouri and then Wednesday will be the final day of our trip and we will land in Kentucky.

Once again Greyson has proved to be a roadie. He is able to travel 3.5-4 hours without stopping and so we can go 500 miles or more with 1-2 stops hence we are making great time with our traveling. We have the standard traveling items to keep him entertained, a DVD player, Nintendo DS, a few games, crayons, books, toys etc and so far they are doing their job. I have been listening to a book on tape for entertainment when Greyson isn't wanting to play I spy or how much do you love me.

Tomorrow we have a shorter trip since we are about 5 hours from our destination and I have to say I am looking forward to it.....I am tired of driving honestly. So that is our update and once I get to Kentucky within a few days I will start back up posting on the blog :) New semester starts May 21st.

Until then......

My Courses are OVER!!!!!!

I am giddy with excitement! My first semester in my Masters in counseling program is done...well almost. The official end date is May 11th but I just turned in my final paper for my theories course. I have received my grades for both my ethics course and my lifespan course...a 99.6 and a 96.5 and I assume I will also have an A in my theories course :)

We are in the process of moving and I most likely will not be posting much in the next 2 weeks as I will be in the process of traveling and getting settled. So for those of you who read my blog please check back in 2 weeks for some new and exciting posts!

I am going to enjoy my mini break from classes, my husband, and my remaining few days in Washington State.

Are we products of our environment?

I love Facebook for nothing else than it jogs ideas in my head that relate to counseling.....there is so much crap on Facebook that a counselor can have a field day with and would never become bored.... With that said I recently saw a question that asked how much can we blame the environment in which we were raised on our current behaviors?

My belief about people is that all factors come together to create the person today this includes the persons upbringing, past/current relationships, past/current experiences, employment, friendships etc. To understand a person we have to understand the person as a in whole in their environment and I don't believe you can truly understand a person without considering all of the above and how they have interacted and mingled together to form that person's perception of their world. It is not enough to just know that person's experiences instead you have to know how that person views those experiences as that view will be different for two people who grow up in the same house for example. There are far to many environmental influences on personality and development to list in this blog however a few of the most common that affect a large majority are parental influence, social status, and religion.

So can we blame our past for our current behaviors? Our past obviously contributes to our futures but I do believe that people have the ability to make choices within their lives and so the control of their life lies within them, often times however we fail to understand that by allowing our past to control our future we are in essence choosing. So while our past contributes it doesn't define our future and will only do so if we make the choice to allow it to.

Sometimes we get so caught up in the situations of our lives that we fail to understand we have choices. Do you keep having the same fight with your in laws? The same argument with your spouse? Do you feel like you're held back because of the way you grew up? Have you been holding a grudge for the last 15 years and refusing to change only and until you go back to the age of 12 for example and your mother/father apologizes for their wrong doings? In all of these situations you are choosing that behavior. Often we place ourselves in the role of  victims of our environment when the reality is we choose to be victims (I am not talking about violence such as rape etc). We choose because we are contributing in some way most often by allowing.

Now I am not saying that making choices is easy...quite the opposite....choices are hard which is why so many (myself included!) have such a difficult time making the right choices. But once you can begin to understand that you do indeed have a choice you will feel empowered. You can't continue to blame your past for your current behavior unless your willing to give the choice of how you live your life over to someone else, if your okay with someone else controlling your life then by all means continue, if you want to change I recommend you find a great counselor to help you do so and if your put off by counselors there are some great self help options out there and I would be happy to help you find some :)


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